Driven to distruction

It's been a while since I've posted a new blog as I've been lacking the motivation and inspiration of late. However, over the past few weeks, whilst riding my motorbike I have nearly met with the maker on a number of occasions. All, I must add, through no fault of my own. So in a change to my normal target of the NHS I have decided to write this blog about some observations I have made on Britain’s roads lately.

Let me tell you a bit about my driving background. I have held a full UK driving licence for over 13 years and during that time I have never been involved in a smash, have never been stopped by the police, never been snapped by a speed camera, never had any points on my licence or even had a parking ticket. Like most of my ambulance service colleagues I hold an IHCD D2 emergency response driving certificate and I regularly drive powerful rapid response vehicles whilst at work. I have passed every driving test I have sat first time and I am a member of the Institute of Advanced Motorists (IAM). I am often described as an "Anal driver" because I drive using the system of car control that I was taught when I became a qualified advanced driver. Because I still drive to that standard I consider myself to be in a position to criticise the appalling driving displayed on the roads today.

Here are a few of my observations to help you arrive at your destination in one piece:-

• Audi drivers always need to get somewhere quicker than you
• Mini drivers are always putting their make up on
• White Van drivers must make that important phone call in the outside lane of the M5 at 90mph whilst eating a burger and reading The Sun
• Taxi drivers should be avoided at all costs. Who knows where they obtained their driving licence!
• Bus drivers, see Taxi drivers
• Any driver that is wearing a hat will do something unpredictable and dangerous
• Cyclists are exempt from every single rule in the highway code and have anger management issues
• Motorcyclists wearing all in one leathers that match the colour of their bike are going to kill themselves
• Clean 4X4's will drive into the back of you as the woman driving will be facing the rear seats shouting at the brats in the back
• HGV drivers navigate by using the rumble strip of the hard shoulder
• Giving way at roundabouts is totally optional
• Three cars can pass a red traffic light if it has just changed. More if the lights are at roadworks.

If you follow these observations you may just arrive at B in the same state you left A.